Just Stay Busy

It is 11:15 on Wednesday and I have exactly 7 hours and 45 min until Brad comes home, I am going to go crazy. I have so much homework I need to do and should be doing but for some reason I can't seem to lose myself in it all. Brad is on alert and was supposed to stay on base last night but he so kindly stayed at the house with me because I didn't want to be alone. He tells me to stay busy and get out, go see shannon (my best friend), go to the mall, do whatever but I don't have the energy to get up, get dressed and drive. Lazy. Instead I sit here writing and watching a marathon of "Life With Ryan" about an adorable professional skater and his crazy hectic life. My mom should remember this show, I used to watch it sometimes with her at home. I had a heart to heart talk with God yesterday to let him know I was extremely sorry for hating him and blaming him for all that I am going through. I know it is not his fault and that I should be blessed with everything he has given me so far. I have the opportunity to attend college at no expense to me and especially the opportunity to receive my degree in something I love so much, photography. An amazing husband who loves me more than anything in the world and is beside me every step of the way through all of this and understands I am hurt so he comforts me. A family whom I miss so incredibly much but their love for me will never stop no matter how far it has to stretch and even their support through it all. Last but not least my friends, my wonderful friends whom I have met through school. The ones who will always have a place in my heart no matter where the military takes us but for now I hope no where so I can stay here with them.
Today was to be day three and I was supposed to be able to go into the Dr. to start another IUI cycle but for some reason Pam won't allow me to do so and wants me to come in and speak with Dr. Patton about what's next. I am not to excited about that and I am terrified he won't allow us to do another IUI and will make us go straight into IVF which I am not ready for that yet. To be honest I don't know if I want to put myself through IVF, it will take some time to think about it all but I don't know until I speak with him.
Well I better go for now because Duke is bugging me yet again to let him out and I guess thats my sign to start homework and finally finish it.